The Monster Within
by XxBanditQueenxX
Summary: BD Spoilers. That first night of the honeymoon, the missing scene the way I saw it happen. Begins with a midnight swim and ends with Edward vowing to never hurt Bella again. Read to find out what happens as Edwar and Bella consumate their marriage! M


A/N: Since I finished _Breaking Dawn_ on August 4th, I've been wanting to write the honeymoon scene. Now, I know that this idea is in no way original, and that everyone and their mother will try to write the first night. But, I feel compelled to write this for some reason. This is what I picture happening in that missing scene. NOTE: The lines in bold are actual lines from the book!

The Monster Within

I had Bella cuddled in my arm as I lugged the two suitcases behind me. The island was just as I remembered it, nothing had changed at all in the last fifty years. As I neared the door, I could hear Bella's heart thudding wildly in her chest. She was nervous, as I suddenly was. I very rarely ever got nervous, but the prospect of what we would be attempting tonight was sending me into a silent panic.

I would not be able to live with myself if I hurt her in any way. Or worse--if I killed her, which was a huge possibility. I would not hesitate in throwing myself into the light of Volterra this time. I would sprint into the light, for a life without Bella, a world where she did not exist, was simply unacceptable.

As I listened to Bella's heart, increasing in speed even now as I neared the porch, I gazed into her face. She bit her bottom lip absent mindedly, and I couldn't even bring myself to ask her what she was thinking, though I yearned to know the answer. I was suddenly overcome with anxiety and something else…excitement?

I placed the suitcases on the deep set porch and grabbed the handle of the door. The door was unlocked, allowing for the cleaning crew to stock the small kitchen full of Bella's favorite foods. I looked down at the angel in my arms, too nervous to even smile at her. She had refused to meet my gaze as I carried her across the island, but I refused to carry her over the threshold until she met my gaze. I saw her swallow hard and she looked up at me. I stepped up, cradling her in my arms, and swallowed myself. The house was dark, so I flipped on every light as I went, silent the whole time.

I listened to the sounds around us--the lapping of the waves, the light swirl of grains of sand on the beach, the brush of the vegetation, my footsteps, and most importantly, Bella's quick breaths and heavily thudding heart. I finally made it to the last room, and a wave of terror, anxiety, and anticipation hit me as I flipped on the very last light. The white bedroom.

I watched Bella's reaction to the room, as her eyes skimmed over the white sand, black waves, and then as they widened as she took in the white bed. I set her down on her feet. **"I'll…go get the luggage,"** I said, wanting to give her a moment of privacy to examine the room.

I had asked for the heat to be turned on, hoping that it would help Bella when my ice cold skin touched hers. I retrieved the suitcases from the porch and listened to Bella as she took a few slow steps. I heard the brush of the mosquito netting. I needed to be near her suddenly, so I hurried back, carrying the luggage.

From the doorway, I watched as Bella petted the netting, brushed a finger across the bed frame. She seemed to be having trouble believing that everything was real. I placed her suitcase on the white dresser and opened it silentlyI watched as a small bead of perspiration slid down the back of her neck. I crossed the room, silent to her ears, and used one finger to wipe away the drop. She shivered lightly and I said, **"It's a little hot here. I thought…"** I didn't quite know how to phrase it, **"that would be best."**

My voice was apologetic and sincere. I was suddenly nervous, seeing as she hadn't spoken at all since we had crossed the island and entered the house. "**Thorough," **I heard her murmur.

I let out a chuckle, one that sounded as nervous as I felt. I looked at her perfect frame and said, **"I tried to think of everything that would make this…easier."**

She swallowed loudly, not turning to look at me. I wanted so desperately to see her face, to see the expression. She seemed to be thinking of something, and her heart was sputtering unevenly. I had had an idea as we crossed the water, but I didn't know if she would go for it. I decided to test it out, seeing as she was my wife now. I smiled at the thought for a moment. **"I was wondering,"** I began, slowly. I had never had this much trouble speaking in my life as a vampire. **"If…first…maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" **

Her breathing stopped for a moment and I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. **"The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of."**

I only waited a moment for her reply, but it felt much longer. Her voice broke when she said, **"Sounds nice."**

Though I thought she didn't need it, I knew she'd like a moment to herself to freshen up after that long journey. I inhaled her warm scent and then said, **"I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two…It was a long journey."**

She nodded mechanically and I put my hands on her arms and brushed my lips across her throat, at the point just below her ear. Her breath caught for a moment and I let out a light chuckle. "**Don't take **_**too**_** long, Mrs. Cullen."  
**

She jumped lightly when I said "Mrs. Cullen" and I silently thrilled at the sound of it. I brushed my lips, as lightly as possible, down her neck, to the very tip of her shoulder. **"I'll wait for you in the water."**

I stepped around her and to the back door. I unbuttoned my shirt at lightning speed and rolled my shoulders, shrugging out of it. I tossed the shirt aside and opened the back door. The feel of the sand against my feet was soft, warm, and soothing. I had no idea if I should strip more, or leave on just my underwear, or what. The smell of the salty air cleared my head of Bella's scent and calmed my nerves. We were married now, and she'd be able to see all of me soon anyway. Might as well take all of my clothes of now. I pulled off my slacks and underwear and hung them from the bend in a palm tree.

I walked, naked, toward the warm water. A light, warm breeze blew around me pleasantly. I listened to the sounds Bella made as she prepared herself. She walked--stumbled, more like-- to the dresser and dug through it hesitantly. I heard her gasp and then sigh loudly. Her feet padded lightly into the bathroom as I slipped into the water slowly. Her heartbeat, muffled by the sound of the water around me, picked up speed for some reason and she took a couple of deep breaths. I surfaced, not really needing to, but wanting to, and listened as she yanked a brush through her hair and then a separate brush across her teeth .I laughed lightly. She still worried incessantly about how she would appear to me, though I had told her many time I thought she was beautiful.

The water ran and I listened as she splashed it onto herself. When the shower water turned on, I rolled my eyes and smiled to myself. I ducked under the water and only half listened to Bella's heart slow. I could hear everything and I allowed the natural sounds of the island to over take me. When the water turned off and she had dried off (a move that seemed unnecessary seeing as she would just be getting wet all over again), her breathing accelerated again. I knew she was trying to figure out when to wear out, just as I had. I wondered if she had noticed I was naked. She sat down and tried some deep breaths to calm herself. I worried, afraid she might be having a pain attack. I wanted to give her space, didn't want to make this harder for her than it already was. I fought against my instinct to go and check on her, knowing that she would call me if need be. I heard her mumble "**Don't be a coward**" and then the bathroom door opened.

Her footsteps were quick, determined. The sand shifted, the sound incredibly pleasant, with every step she took. Her footsteps slowed as she crossed the sand. Her footsteps stopped a few yards back, though I didn't want to turn around and see what she was doing. The sound of her hand against the bark, and then she tried to steady her breath once more. If my heart beat, it would be jumping out of my chest, I was so nervous. I wanted nothing more than to turn and look at her as she approached the water.

I chose to look at the moon, instead, it's luminescent face helping to calm me. I thought about what we were about to attempt, and shuddered slightly. It was so dangerous, I hoped that I could contain myself. If I hurt her… I placed my hands palms down in the water to keep them from balling into fists.

I heard her towel drop onto the bark of a tree, probably the same one I discarded my clothes at. A few more steps and then her feet touched the water. I heard her breath in deeply and her steps were careful, measured as she waded in. She came to rest next to me, the water two inches above her belly button. I stared at the moon's surface. She followed my gaze and placed her hand over mine.

"**Beautiful,"** came her response to the full moon.

The moon was quite unimpressive when I could see her in my peripheral vision, looking like an absolute goddess. My voice came out lazy and unmoved as I said, **"It's all right."**

I finally plucked up the courage to look at her, deciding that I had given her enough gentlemanly respect. I turned slowly, careful not to frighten or intimidate her. I looked her in the eyes, which looked a deeper brown in the purple night. I twined my fingers with hers below the water. Her eyes were nervous, eager, and filled with love. Her skin was bright white in the light of the moon, though I could clearly see the flush beneath the surface. Her perfectly plump lips were parted slightly. She looked beyond beautiful. She looked like an angel. My personal angel.

"**But I wouldn't use the word beautiful. Not with you standing here in comparison."**

She gave me small half smile and her heart beat quickly, though evenly. She raised her hand to my chest and placed it over my long still heart. I shuddered at the feel of her warm skin, made warmer by the water, on my icy skin. My unnecessary breaths came quicker now, rougher. I was panicking once more. **"I promised we would **_**try**_**. If…if I do something wrong,"** I hoped she heard the double meaning in that, **"if I hurt you, you must tell me at once."**

She nodded, looking me straight in the eyes. Hers were not as worried as mine, and that made me feel worse. She didn't see the danger I was putting her in by agreeing to this. She took another step closer to me, and leaned her head against my chest. Her arms wound around my waist. **"Don't be afraid," **was her light murmur, **"We belong together."**

Her words hit me hard. Truth rang in those three simple words. The moment became so right, and I knew I wouldn't be able to kill her tonight. She was my everything, my whole world, and I would not be able to take her life. I would try to be as careful as I could, because I couldn't hurt her. I wouldn't. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly to myself. Her words echoed in my mind. _"We belong together."_ It was the simplest statement, with the absolute truth in every syllable. I knew it was right, perfect as the words went through me, making me smile. **"Forever," **I agreed.

I grabbed her in my arms and pulled her close to my chest as I pulled her into deeper water. Her body, completely exposed, fit perfectly against mine. The soft swell of her breasts against my own chest, her legs tangling with mine as I held her steady, only her head above water now. Her small hands ran over my back and across my chest. "Bella, I can't help but be scared."

She nodded, knowing I wasn't only talking about the danger now, and brushed her hand along my neck. She placed it on my cheek and smiled. "Edward, I am as well. I've never done this before either."

"I…don't know…how…"

She raised an eyebrow. I laughed. "Well, I mean, obviously I know _how_, and I've read enough teenage minds to know what, exactly to do. But, I meant more…I don't know what you would want."

Her cheeks flushed, and I loved the color as she sputtered, "Oh..well…"

"Yes?" I asked.

She watched her hand as it trailed lightly over my face, across my cheek, down my nose, and resting on my lips. "I want you."

She sounded absolutely sure of it, and I couldn't doubt it. I captured her lips lightly with mine and kissed her as gently and as passionately as possible. As I wrapped one hand around the back of her neck o pull her closer to myself, I was fully aware of how breakable she was. Like porcelain. I pulled away and kissed down her neck as I floated us even farther into the water.

"Sharks?" she asked, not really listening for the answer.

"They keep away. I am a far better predator," I whispered, a low, predatory growl escaping.

Bella gasped and then laughed lightly. "This is true."

I laughed with her and pulled her closer to myself. "Are you ready to go in?" I asked.

I heard her gulp loudly and then she shook her head slowly. "Just a few more minutes. It's so nice out here."

I nodded. "Anything you wish, my love."

She smiled at me shyly and let go of me to float on her back in the waves. "This is absolutely perfect, Edward."

I was next to her, my arms under her, holding her up, though she didn't really need it. "I thought you might like it. Exclusive, warm, and private. We can both go out during the day without worrying about being seen."

I smiled. Bella loved my skin in the sunlight. She sighed happily and, while her eyes were closed, I allowed my eyes to wander quickly. I skimmed over the shape of her beneath the water, and my throat burned with the desire for her blood, but I swallowed it down. There was a different burn, seeping through my dried veins now, heating my muscles, and burning deep within me.

"Bella," and I was surprised at the husky sound of my voice. "Let's…"

She opened her eyes and smiled. "Edward."

I grinned back at her, my previous anxieties flaring once more as I scooped her into my arms. She laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck, her legs around my waist. I kissed her once more and she tried to pull herself close to my chest. I knew I had to be careful when kissing her, to control my venom. She kept one arm around my neck and ran her other hand across my skin as I waded though the shallow water.

I wrapped an arm around her back, hugging her close to me, and my other arm went beneath her, my hand on her rear. She squeaked in surprise, then dragged her lips across my collarbone. I walked slowly to the white room, trying to prolong the moment as long as possible. Her hair fell around her face, across my arm, brushing against my chest, my face. The smell of it, like freesias and the strawberry shampoo she used, was intoxicating. I stroked her hair and she made a noise at the back of her throat and pulled away.

The look in her eyes was one of hunger and desire, anxiety and love. My own eyes must have reflected this back to her. She looked at me, her hand on my cheek. "You feel almost warm," she said.

"The water," was my short reply, and I threw her a lopsided smile.

"Is there anything you didn't think of?" she asked, teasing.

I shrugged. "I didn't want you to freeze.'

She laughed a throaty, nervous laugh. "I don't think my skin could get any hotter if you set it on fire."

Her skin was abnormally hot, and I ran my hands over it. "Shall we see about that?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow and I kissed her nose. She laughed and threw her head back. I reveled in the sound of Bella's musical laugh and kissed her throat. Her breath caught and she tightened her grip on my shoulders. She shivered as I brushed my lips across every surface of her skin I could reach. I placed her on the bed, dead center and she unwrapped her legs from around my waist.

Her arms remained around my neck and I leaned over her. "Bella, you must tell me if anything is wrong. If I hurt you in the slightest…"

She furrowed her brow and growled. "Hush now."

I laughed lightly and bent down to kiss her chest. She closed her eyes and pushed her hands into my hair. I moved my mouth down farther to the top of her left breast, kissing the gentle swell. Her back arched into my touch and I grinned widely against her skin. My tongue flickered out and she shivered slightly. "Edward, please. Don't tease."

Tease? I laughed and said, "I wasn't aware that I was _teasing_. I thought this was referred to as _foreplay_."

Bella glared at me playfully and smacked my arm. When her hand made contact with my bicep, she focused on her own hand as she caressed my skin. "You're so beautiful," I heard her low mumble.

"You stole the words right out of my mouth. Except…you're so much more than that, Bella," I said, kissing her neck again. "You are…" a kiss, "amazing," another kiss, " and more gorgeous," kiss to the valley between her breasts, "than any creature I have ever set eyes on." A kiss lower. "You're eyes are the precise color," lower, "of the sweetest chocolate. You're mouth," a kiss lower still, "the color of a delicate rose petal. Your skin," my tongue flicked out to lick her navel, "is the softest silk, the color of a fragile porcelain doll. And so…" I allowed my tongue to drag across her hip bone as my hands caressed her thighs, "sweet and mouth wateringly warm."

I picked my head up to look at her and grinned. In my entire existence, I had never been this intimate with anyone else, never pictured it before I met her. But I was gleeful to see that I was actually good at it. Bella's eyes were closed, her head thrown back. Her chest heaved with each of her shallows breaths. Her tiny hands pawed at the sheets. "Why," her breathing was labored, "have you…stopped?" she asked.

"I thought you didn't want me to tease," I said, knowing full well that I _was_ teasing now.

"Edward, come on, this isn't fair," she whined, her eyes still closed.

She squirmed beneath me, grinding her hips into me. I let out a moan of my own as my arousal pushed into her supple flesh. I poised myself above her and placed my hand on the side of her face. "Bella, look at me please."

Her eyes opened, wide and eager. "Bella, are you sure about this?"

Bella looked at me and leaned up to whisper in my ear. "Edward…take me. Make me your's."

"I love you, Bella," I said, and I gently pulled her leg farther apart and poised myself at her entrance.

I took a deep breath to steady my shaking nerves, my almost animalistic urges, and pushed forward. Bella made a small squeak and groaned, "Oh!"

And then the smell hit me. Blood. Her blood. Not much, but enough to make my throat ache. I pulled out and pulled away. Bella's face was full of surprise and rejection. "Edward? What did I…?"

I put a finger up to silence her. A growl was ripping through my chest and I had to take many breaths to clear my head. I turned to look at her. "I'm sorry, Bella. The…blood."

She looked down at herself and gasped lightly. "Oh…Edward. I'm sorry. I should have known."

"I knew…I just…" I had no idea how to finish that statement.

"It's not too much," she said, sounding hopeful. "I can go wash it off if you'd like."

I shook my head. "No, that's not necessary," I said, pushing her back against the pillow's gently.

She looked confused as I leaned down to kiss her gently. When I pulled away, I smiled at her. "I'm so very sorry. I've got myself under control now, love. I promise."

She placed her hands on my shoulders and ran one up to rest on my cheek. I leaned into her warm hand and felt the thirst ache again. I looked down at her and gently separated her thighs. Bella watched as my pupils widened and my eyes went from gold to coal in one second. "Do you mind if I…" I swallowed and tried to phrase this so I wouldn't scare her, "have a…taste?"

Her eyes widened and she gasped. I laughed. "I won't bite. I promise," I replied and gave her a wink.

Her eyes closed and she put a hand on her sweaty forehead. I refocused my attention on the area between her thighs. Only a few drips of blood were present, but it was enough to make my insides rage with want and animalistic hunger. I ran a finger over her, caught a drop on my fingertip to test her. She arched back as I licked my fingertip. I had tasted it before, of course, when I had had to suck James' venom from her blood. But this, under these conditions, made her blood taste that much sweeter.

I bent swiftly, hesitating only momentarily as my tongue flickered out. She let out a deep moan and shoved her hands in my hair as I lapped up the remaining drops of blood. When the blood was gone, I relished the sweet and savory taste of her arousal. My hands gripped a her hips and sides, and I had to remember that she was breakable and that my grip was too tight. "Please," she gasped out. "More."

I lifted my head and kissed up her abdomen, then her chest, lingering on her left breast for a moment, to nip and lick. I finally made my way up to her and captured her mouth once more. I swiftly thrust into her once more and swallowed her short cry. My pace was slow and gentle, a tempo I hoped would not hurt her.

She tightened her legs on either side of my body, her knees holding me between her. Her arms went around me. "Hold me tighter, Edward."

I slipped an arm underneath her and clutched her tightly to myself. My hands grasped her arms as I ran my mouth softly over any inch of skin I could reach. Her hips began to move as well, bucking up to meet my slow tempo, her hips grinding erotically against me. "Tighter, Edward."

I pulled her closer to myself, my fingers digging into her upper arm, my arm tightly around her. Her body was slick and I licked the salty sweat from her skin. Her hands shoved into my hair and she pulled on it lightly as I picked up the pace. "Are you all right, love?" I asked, only briefly lifting my mouth from her shoulder.

She let out a deep moan in response and ground her hips sinuously. Her legs went to wrap around my waist, and she moved her hips more quickly. I thrust faster to match her movements and she clutched me tighter to her body, her breasts firmly against my chest. Every inch of our bodies were touching, tangled.

Her breaths were sporadic, and I felt her heart beating against my own chest. "Tighter," she whispered again and I complied.

Her own muscles tightened around me and I felt her walls pulse around me. My teeth grazed across her throat, where the blood pumped hardest. I knew I mustn't bite her, so my mouth moved to the pillow next to her head. "Edward," she called out as I thrust a tad harder.

My teeth ripped into the pillow. Feathers flew into the air, and when I pulled up from it, Bella's eyes were closed and feathers rained down on her slick skin. "No," she said and she pulled me down again, wrapping her arms as tightly as she could around my neck, trying to trap me there.

I was more than happy to comply and I kissed and licked across her collarbones and in the hollow beneath her ear. Her body began to quake and tremble beneath me as her walls tightened and pulsed tighter around me. I again had to drag my teeth away from her supple skin and sink them into a pillow as she clutched at my back, my rear, my hair. She was pulling my hair as hard as she could, though it had no effect on my vampire head. After my second pillow, Bella calling my name once more--loud enough to wake the dead-- and her whispering, "Let go, Edward," into my ear, I felt my own release. I clutched at her arms, her waist, her thighs. I felt myself throb powerfully and finally spill into her.

Shaking, I dropped down to her, licking her chest. She had a thin sheen of sweat coating her entire body, soaking the sheets beneath her. The taste of her was heavenly, the sweetest nectar I had ever known. She was trying to calm her breathing and speak, but I leaned up to look at her. I placed a finger over her lips. "Sleep, my only love," I whispered into her ear, nibbling the lobe for a moment before I finally pulled out of her slick sheath and rested next to her on the remaining body pillow.

Bella scooted herself closer to me and placed her head on my chest. She turned her face slightly to kiss the icy skin of my chest before she placed her burning cheek against it once more. "I love you."

"And I you," was my simple reply as I began to stroke her hair.

She sighed happily and drew doodles across my abdomen as her eyes closed. Finally, her hand came to a rest and her breathing deepened. Even without the moonlight spilling through the window, I could already see the blood beginning to pool beneath her skin. I ran my hands over the places where my hands had just previously clutched. Perfect finger marks, handprints. I had failed in my attempt to be gentle with her. I gingerly fingered the pale lavender bruises. I closed my eyes and let the agony rip through me. It broke through my chest and pained me deeply.

My beautiful angel was marred, damaged because of me. I was truly a monster, and I had hurt the woman I love. And for what? Well, quite frankly, for the greatest night of my existence. The greatest night of my existence? I snorted. It came with a price. When Bella awoke in the morning she would see herself, see the monster I truly am. She would be horrified at what she had married, an animal, a sadistic heathen. She would pretend everything was alright, of course, because that's the way she is--selfless and loving. She would never want me to self-loathe, and so she would lie, try to make me feel better, blame herself for being so insufferably human. But I would hear none of it. It would be untrue. I can see now what I am--a hideous beast, capable of hurting the one I love.

As the sun rose over the waves, I vowed to not make love to her again until she was turned. I would never hurt her again.

O.O.O.O

All right y'all. Let me know what you think, please!


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